he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
