I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
