Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
