There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
