I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
