Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
