I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
