I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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