Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
