I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
