I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
