Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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