i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
