so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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