Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
