He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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