Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
