When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
