I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
