can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
