I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
