Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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