By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
