And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
