is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
