Only a mothe r could love this liver
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
