I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
