I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
