This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
