i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
