I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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