pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hippo gnu deer
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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