just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
