i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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