I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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