i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
