the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
