If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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