take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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