Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
