I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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