dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just high enough for therapy.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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