Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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