Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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