I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
