Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
