I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
