Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
