i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
