The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
