she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
