Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
