very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
COCAINE IS GR8
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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