I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
