I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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