i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
