There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
