Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize