i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
