47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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