Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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