my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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