she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Less talking, more tequila
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
