Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
