What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
