so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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