You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What changed your mind?
Being sober
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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