Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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