Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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