I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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