this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
