god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
