do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
